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Bulletin Board Pix
Tom Tomorrow
 THIS MODERN WORLD, by TOM TOMORROW © Tom Tomorrow 2015 Action McNews Network [Male Reporter] Our top story -- a White police officer has once again
done an indefensible thing to a Black citizen! [Female Reporter] Here to defend the indefensible thing is our
frequent guest, the Shameless Apologist! [Shameless Apologiest] Betty, the indefensible thing was CLEARLY
defensible! The issue isn't police misconduct -- the issue
is rap music and baggy pants! If you know what I mean. [Male Reporter] Thanks for your insight, Shameless Apologist! And now
we go live to the scene, where our correspondent has been
INVESTIGATING the Black citizen to whom the indefensible
thing happened! [Female Correspondent] Biff, I'm here on the street near the scene of
the indefensible act -- and from what I've been told, the
Black citizen in question was NO ANGEL! [Male Reporter] Well THAT certainly puts things in perspective! And
now, a special editorial comment from a CRANKY OLD MAN! [Cranky Old Man] There's no respect for law and order these days! I
think we should lock up all the criminals and throw away the
key! In fact -- [Male Reporter] Excuse me -- one moment -- we've got breaking news --
ANOTHER police officer has done ANOTHER indefensible thing
to ANOTHER black citizen! Boy, what were the odds of THAT? [Female Reporter ] We'll explain why the victim was to blame -- as
soon as we get more details! [GO BACK TO BEGINNING AND START OVER ... AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER
...]
 THIS MODERN WORLD, BY TOM TOMORROW A CONFEDERACY OF DENIAL [Confederate 1] Guns aren't a problem in this country! [Confederate 2] And racism is a thing of the past! Duh! [Confederate 1] Also there's no global warming. [Confederate 2] 1) We mustn't politicize the tragedy. It's much too
soon to start casting blame! [Confederate 1] I'd suggest waiting a couple of decades -- to make
sure we have sufficient distance! (2) We shouldn't allow
ourselves to be sidetracked. Just because a White
supremacist opened fire in a historic Black church while
denouncing Black people -- [Confederate 2] -- I don't see why we have to make the whole thing
about race! [Confederate 1] 3) Obviously, this proves we need MORE guns. How can
we protect ourselves from all the nutjobs walking around
with guns out there -- [Confederate 2] unless EVERYONE is HEAVILY ARMED AT ALL TIMES? (4)
Liberals are somehow to blame. You know, with their -- um --
permissiveness, and everything. [Confederate 1] We might need to work on this one. 5) And of course --
this was just another isolated incident, from which no
greater conclusions should be drawn. That's right! An
unfathomable act, entirely devoid of context -- as usual! [Confederate 2] I blame "evil." [Confederate 1] Yes -- "Evil" is VERY bad! © Tom Tomorrow 2015
 THIS MODERN WORLD BY TOM TOMORROW © Tom Tomorrow 2015 RUSSIAN "TROLL FARMS" FLOODING THE
INTERNET WITH PRO-KREMLIN PROPAGANDA [Russian Blogger] Hello! I am beautiful
American swimsuit model who loves apple pie, American flag,
popular television programs -- AND VLADIMIR PUTIN! Heh hey.
[Tap tap tap] AMERICANS REALIZED THEY'D BEEN CAUGHT
NAPPING [Male Reporter] The Russians are leaving
us in the DUST! It's just like SPUTNIK -- except with
TROLLS! [Female Reporter] We must spare NO
expense to close the TROLL GAP! THE PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED A NEW NATIONAL
INITIATIVE. [Obama] -- and so, we choose to troll
HARDER than the Russians ever could -- not because it is
easy -- but because there are LULZ! A RAGTAG CREW WAS ASSEMBLED. [General] You men are the best of the
worst at mansplaining, doxxing, and anonymous harassment!
Now we want you to use those skills for your COUNTRY! [Geek Twerp] Consider the Russkies OWNED,
sir! BATTLES WERE FOUGHT ... CASUALTIES
INCURRED ... [Nasty Blogger 1] My carpal tunnel is
REALLY acting up! You guys are gonna have to go on without
me! [Nasty Blogger 2] We won't do it, Sarge!
We NEVER leave a man behind! [Nasty Blogger 1] That's a DIRECT ORDER,
son. Now, has anyone seen the ibuprofen? BUT IN THE END, THE RUSSIANS NEVER HAD A
CHANCE AGAINST OUR BOYS [White House Shitbag] What does it mean,
"Ethics in Gaming Journalism?" [General] Uh oh ... [HUGE TIP O' THE PEN(GUIN) TO JEET HEER!]
 THIS MODERN WORLD BY TOM TOMORROW HELPFUL RESPONSES TO BALTIMORE * (* HELPFULNESS NOT GUARANTEED) 1. PROTESTERS SHOULD BE MORE LIKE M.L.K. [Woman 1] By which we mean, safely contained in the past and relegated
to a few pleasant quotes taken glibly out of context! [Woman 2] THAT'S how you protest injustice! 2. THE MAN WHO WAS BRUTALLY BEATEN TO DEATH BY POLICE HAD A CRIMINAL
RECORD. [Fraternal Order of Police 1] We're not saying he DESERVED what
happened -- [Fraternal Order of Police 2] We're just strongly IMPLYING it! 3. THIS WAS YET ANOTHER ISOLATED INCIDENT FROM WHICH NO LARGER
CONCLUSIONS SHOULD BE DRAWN. [Policeman] One guy gets his larynx crushed and his spine severed --
and SOME people won't let you hear the END of it! 4. WE HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT AND THEREFORE THIS IS ALL SOMEHOW HIS
FAULT. [Donald Trump] Black Black Blackity Black! Very, very Black. Also, did
I mention BLACK? 5. RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY IS PARAMOUNT, EXCEPT WHEN IT'S NOT. [Patriot] These lawless protests are an affront to DECENCY -- and
should not be TOLERATED! Unless they're protesting grazing
fees, of course. 6. MAYBE FREDDIE GRAY'S INJURIES WERE SELF-INFLICTED. [Fraternal Order of Police 3] It COULD have all been a cunning scheme
to DISCREDIT the Police! [Fraternal Order of Police 4] What a diabolical MASTERMIND! 7. THE REAL PROBLEM IS A LACK OF FAMILY VALUES. [Male Reporter 1] Forget about systemic brutality and economic
inequality! [Male Reporter 2] Life is simple when you ignore the complicated
parts! 8. POOR PEOPLE IN BALTIMORE SHOULD JUST GET JOBS. [Female Reporter] And in an entirely unrelated story, a new trade
agreement is likely to make it EVEN EASIER to ship jobs
overseas! [Male Reporter 3] First these messages! © Tom Tomorrow 2015
 THIS MODERN WORLD BY TOM TOMORROW HEY KIDS! IT'S TIME FOR PRIVACY TALK WITH YOUR HOST THE ANONYMOUS
SILICON VALLEY TYCOON [Shmark Schmuckerberg] You can call me -- uh -- Shmark Schmuckerberg!
I'm here to tell you -- privacy is OVER! For you, I mean.
Disruptive tech billionaires such as myself can't get ENOUGH
of it! That's why I spent $100 million on extra land
surrounding my place in Hawaii -- and why I bought four
houses AROUND my house in Palo Alto! You see, the more my
social media site -- um, let's call it Schmacebook -- knows
about YOU, the richer I get! And the richer I get -- the
more important it is to guard MY privacy! Have you BEEN
online? There are some REAL nutjobs out there! Privacy is a
zero sum game -- we're just TRANSFERRING it from YOU to ME!
HEY! Turn that out! [Lost Guest] Hello? Is somebody in here? SORRY! CLICK! CLICK! [Schmark Schmuckerberg] And I do NOT want to see any screengrabs of
that on Facebook, I mean SCHMACEBOOK. Return to Table of Contents
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