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written, directed and produced by John Waters, starring Divine and Tab Hunter
Polyester, directed by John Waters --
Illustrated Screenplay & Screencap Gallery
[Dr. Arnold Quackenshaw, Prominent Ear,
Nose and Throat Specialist] [German Accent] Hello, moviegoers. All right, first of all ... All right, now, this is the product ... ROBERT SHAYE and MICHAEL WHITE present Polyester Starring Divine Tab Hunter It's a dead end. Here, why don't you come on in? French Provincial ... They do their best ... and STIV BATORS as Bo-Bo Come on upstairs ... Meet your Polyester Queen ... Art Director VINCENT PERANIO Francine ... Costumes and Makeup VAN SMITH Francine .... Editor CHARLES ROGGERO Assistant Director, Casting PAT MORAN Line Producer, Production Manager ROBERT MAIER Music CHRIS STEIN Music MICHAEL KAMEN Upstairs there's a Polyester's Squeeze ... "POLYESTER", Lyrics DEBORAH HARRY, Sung
by TAB HUNTER Director of Photography DAVID INSLEY this is your life Francine ... Smell the fragrant perfumed me ... Associate Producer SARA RISHER Darling, in my dreams ... You're the Polyester Queen ... Francine ...
You're the Polyester Queen ... Executive Producer ROBERT SHAYE Francine ... You're the Polyester Francine. Francine ... You're the Polyester Queen. Francine ... Produced, Written & Directed by John Waters You're the Polyester Francine. Francine ... Poor Francine. *** [Neighbors] Down with smut! Down with smut! [Boy] The porno king! [Man] Smut king! You bought this house with the profits of porno! [Woman] Children are going to hell
because of your theater. [Elmer Fishpaw] Children under 12, $1.50. [Boy] Please show "Benji"! Please show G-rated movies! [Woman] Garbage and filth! [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer, thank God you're home. [Elmer Fishpaw] Get off of me! Why
haven't you notified the press? [Francine Fishpaw] Please don't call the
press. It's bad enough already. [Elmer Fishpaw] You wouldn't be in the
mall if it wasn't for my theater. [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer, please, please hang up. [Elmer Fishpaw] I thought you might want to send a mini-cam crew to my home. [Francine Fishpaw] Mini-cam?! Elmer, please! [Elmer Fishpaw] The Citizens for Decent
Films ... [Neighbors] Filth! [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer, there are more
of them out there. [Elmer Fishpaw] Stop that yammering and fix me a drink. [Man] What do we love? [Neighbors] Decency! [Man] What do we hate? [Neighbors] Filth! [Elmer Fishpaw] Here, Bonkers. [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer, that dog stinks
to high heaven. [Elmer Fishpaw] Well, this whole world
stinks, so get used to it. [Francine Fishpaw] Yes, dear. [Elmer Fishpaw] Hurry up! [Man] What do we hate? [Neighbors] Filth! [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu, dinner's ready! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I'll be down in a minute. [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter, honey, dinner's on the table. [Dexter Fishpaw] [Moaning] [Looking at pictures of shoes] [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer, dinner's served. [Elmer Fishpaw] I'm in here waiting for it! [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer, let's try and
have a pleasant family dinner. [Elmer Fishpaw] I'll try, Francine, but
don't go riling me up. [Francine Fishpaw] Yes, dear. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I know. [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter, did you do your homework, honey? [Dexter Fishpaw] Sure, sure. [Francine Fishpaw] Can we say grace? Can we at least do that? [All] Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy
gifts ... [Doorbell rings] [Francine Fishpaw] Don't answer it! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] It's a TV crew! [Elmer Fishpaw] I'll handle that. You all stay here. [Jerry Haller, Channel 12 News] Mr. Fishpaw, would you step out, please? [Elmer Fishpaw] Why, certainly. [Picketers signs read: WOMEN AGAINST
PORNOGRAPHY; WE HATE FILTH [Jerry Haller, Channel 12 News] Mr.
Fishpaw, I'm Jerry Haller from Channel 12 News.
[Elmer Fishpaw] I'll show any movie I
wanna show. [Francine Fishpaw] Leave us alone!
Please, leave us alone! [Neighbors] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. [Francine Fishpaw] I'm a good Christian woman! [Neighbors] Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! [Sign reads: NEIGHBORS GET OUT!!] [Neighbors] Two-four-six-eight! [CREEPY WEIRD MUSIC][Dexter Fishpaw sniffing household chemicals] [Elmer Fishpaw] All that free publicity. [Freddy Ashton] Excuse me? Excuse me? [Elmer Fishpaw] What the hell? [Freddy Ashton] Excuse me, my name's
Freddy Ashton. [Francine Fishpaw] She didn't say
anything to me about a date. [Freddy Ashton] Yes, ma'am, I know. [Elmer Fishpaw] You take care of this,
Francine. [Freddy Ashton] Nice meeting you, Mr.
Fishpaw. [Francine Fishpaw] Very kind of you to
say so, Freddy. [Freddy Ashton] Thank you. [Francine Fishpaw] I didn't get your last name? [Freddy Ashton] Ashton. [Francine Fishpaw] You're not by any
chance a friend of Bo-Bo Belsinger's? [Freddy Ashton] Oh, no, ma'am. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Hi, Freddy. [Francine Fishpaw] Where did you get that outfit? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I borrowed it. Do you like it? [Francine Fishpaw] That's a new garment,
Lu-Lu. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I bought it with money I saved. [Francine Fishpaw] What money? You don't have a job. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Boys at school give me money. [Francine Fishpaw] For what? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] For dancing at lunch period! [Francine Fishpaw] You dance lewdly for the boys at lunch period? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] For a quarter I will. [Francine Fishpaw] Stop that dancing!
[Freddy Ashton] Don't be upset, Mrs.
Fishpaw. [Sign on the front lawn reads: the fishpaw's] [Francine Fishpaw] Good-bye, children. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I sure do! [Francine Fishpaw] Well, be a good girl. Bye! [Freddy Fishpaw] Lu-Lu, you look so nice tonight. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Freddy, you're so polite. [Freddy Fishpaw] We're gonna have such fun. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] OK, bird-brain, it's
gonna cost you ten bucks. [Freddy Ashton] Lu-Lu, don't try to shock
me, 'cause it's not gonna work. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Too cheap? Come on, get this junker moving! [Freddy Ashton] Lu-Lu, stay on your side! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Give it some gas! [Freddy Ashton] Lu-Lu, we'd better be getting to the library. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] You ain't going anywhere with this little lady, faggot! [Freddy Ashton] I believe I had a date with her, Bo-Bo. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Get lost, moron! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] See you later, Freddy! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Go on! Get out of here!
[Bo-Bo's Friend] Yeah, shake it all! Come
on, get down! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Shake it, Lu-Lu! [Bo-Bo's Friend] Let's go! Let's go! [Bo'Bo's Friend] Come on, yeah. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Come on, girl. [Bo-Bo's Friend] All right! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Let's go downtown and play some pool! [Bo-Bo swatting the butts of an Orthodox Jew, a Chinese lady, and a black lady]
GOLDEN STAR CHINESE AMERICAN RESTAURANT PURPLE BONE, FASHIONS FOR JUNIORS
[Busdriver] Police! [Bus Passengers Yelling and Cursing] [Bo-Bo Belsinger] I don't know what's
happening! [Bo-Bo's Friend] Help! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] I didn't do nothing! *** [Dexter Fishpaw] Don't stop. *** [TV Reporter] Baltimore Police today
reported ... [Elmer Fishpaw] Come on! Where's my footage? [TV Reporter] Miss Betty Lazinski ... [Betty Lazinski] Some people think this
is funny ... [TV Reporter] Did the stomper say anything? [Elmer Fishpaw] Come on! Come on! Where's my footage?! [Betty Lazinski] He didn't say nothing. He just stomped on my foot! [TV Reporter] In other news ... [Elmer Fishpaw] Shut up! Here it is. [TV Reporter] ... picketed the home of
Mr. Elmer Fishpaw today. [Neighbors] Two-four-six-eight, X-rated
movies we all hate! [TV Reporter] The pickets, led by Mrs.
Jeanette Smise of Townsend ... [Jeannette Smise] His theater caters to sex offenders. [TV Reporter] We visited the Charles Art
Theater today ... [Reporter] Sir, would you like to comment
on the movie you've just seen? [TV Reporter] Mr. Fishpaw, when contacted by Channel 12 News ... [Elmer Fishpaw] Here I am! [TV Reporter] ... responded to the protesters. [Elmer Fishpaw] I think that my theater helps stop rape. [TV Reporter] Mrs. Fishpaw, however, refused to talk with reporters. [Francine Fishpaw] I've never been so humiliated. [TV Reporter] In other news ... [Elmer Fishpaw] That's all?! [TV Reporter] She was identified as -- [Elmer Fishpaw] They didn't even give the showtime. [Francine Fishpaw] I have never been so embarrassed. [Elmer Fishpaw] Yellow journalism, that's what it is. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, God. It's not fair. [Elmer Fishpaw] What the hell are you doing? [Francine Fishpaw] Saying my prayers,
Elmer.
[Elmer Fishpaw] I don't believe this. 2 [Elmer Fishpaw farts] [Elmer Fishpaw] Oh, Sandra. [Francine Fishpaw] Sandra? The White
Tables Motel?! [Alarm goes off] [Elmer Fishpaw] Get up, Francine, you big oaf! I want some breakfast. [Francine Fishpaw] What time is it? [Elmer Fishpaw] Time to get that fat ass
out of bed. That's what time it is. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] You pig! [Dexter Fishpaw] You're the pig! [Elmer Fishpaw] Sit up straight. [Dexter Fishpaw] Why don't you drop dead? [Elmer Fishpaw] You're just asking for
it. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I learned all about my
cervix in sex education class yesterday. [Dexter Fishpaw] Me, too. [Francine Fishpaw] Good morning, darling. [Elmer Fishpaw] Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you
later. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Elmer! *** [La Rue] Francine! Francine! [Francine Fishpaw] I'm in the little girl's room, Mother. [La Rue] Can't you do that later? [Francine Fishpaw] Mother, please, I'll be out in a second. [La Rue] I don't know why you bother. [Francine Fishpaw] Hello, Mother. [La Rue] Good Lord, Francine. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Au revoir, Heintz. [Heintz] Should I go to the Laundromat now, Madame, or wait for you? [Cuddles Kovinsky] You can go now, Heintz. I'll ... if I need you. [Heintz] As you wish, Madame. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, it's Cuddles. [La Rue] Good Lord, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] But, Mother, she's my best friend. [La Rue] Your best friend?! [Francine Fishpaw] But she's not a maid
anymore, Mother. [La Rue] Money or not -- The injustice of
it all! [Francine Fishpaw] Yes, Mother. [La Rue] Good God. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Hi, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] Hi, Cuddles. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Enchante. [La Rue] Well, well, well. Off work so
early? [Francine Fishpaw] Mother, please. [La Rue] Thank God, my cab. *** [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Cuddles, I'm so glad you're here. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Francine, I'm in a
heavenly mood today. [Francine Fishpaw] That calls for a big lunch. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Yummy, yummy, yummy! [Francine Fishpaw] Thank you, Cuddles. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Well, you should get
out more. [Francine Fishpaw] Cuddles, you're too
old to be a debutante. [Cuddles Kovinsky] I've already rented
the hall, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] I wish I could be more
like you, Cuddles. [Telephone Rings] [Francine Fishpaw] Hello. [Sandra Sullivan] Hello, Mrs. Fishpaw? [Francine Fishpaw] I see. I see. Thank
you. [Sandra Sullivan] She fell for it. [Elmer Fishpaw] Want to see a picture of her? [Sandra Sullivan] Oh, God, yes. [Elmer Fishpaw] The bitter truth. [Sandra Sullivan] Ha, ha, ha, ha ha.
Elmer, she's an absolute cow! [Movie Poster reads: WHITE TRASH: See
How They Live] [Movie Poster reads: Faster PUSSYCAT, Kill, Kill]
[Sandra Sullivan] They'll suppress my ovulations through hormones. [Elmer Fishpaw] I got something for you,
Sandra. [Sandra Sullivan] Oh, go, honey! [Cuddles Kovinsky] Maybe he really did go out of town, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] No, he's having an
affair with his secretary ... [Telephone Rings] [Cuddles Kovinsky] I'll get it, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] Hello? [Mr. Kirk] Mrs. Fishpaw? This is Mr. Kirk
... [Francine Fishpaw] Hello, Mr. Kirk. [Mr. Kirk] Is Dexter ill today? [Francine Fishpaw] Why, no, Mr. Kirk. Dexter's in school. [Mr. Kirk] I'm afraid he's not, Mrs.
Fishpaw. [Francine Fishpaw] Why, Mr. Kirk, I'm as
upset as you to learn of Dexter's truancy.
[Mr. Kirk] I'm afraid expulsion is the
only answer. [Francine Fishpaw] Hello? Mr. Kirk?
Hello? Hello? [Cuddles Kovinsky] For what? [Francine Fishpaw] For truancy! [Cuddles Kovinsky] It's just those common
Baltimore public schools. [Francine Fishpaw] The principal said that he was insane! [Cuddles Kozinsky] He's probably out playing polo with his friends. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Cuddles! Do you think there is something wrong with my son? *** [Dexter Fishpaw stomps on a lady's foot] [Woman] God! [Dexter Fishpaw [Laughing] *** [Francine Fishpaw] If my son does have
emotional problems ... [Cuddles Kovinsky] You mean like a spy, Francine? [Francine Fishpaw] Yes. [Cuddles Kozinsky] You got yourself a deal! [Heintz] Ach, my goodness. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Hurry, Heintz.
Emergency, emergency. [Heintz] Yes, ma'am. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Hurry, Heintz. *** [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu? Lu-Lu, is that
you? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Unfortunately, yes. [Francine Fishpaw] Did you have a nice
day? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I got my report card today. Want to see it? [Francine Fishpaw] Have you done any better this time? F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu, you have failed every single subject again! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] No, Ma. They changed the
grading system. [Francine Fishpaw] You little liar. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I swear to God on the Bible it's true! [Francine Fishpaw] Stop that lying! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I got voted president of Student Council today. [Francine Fishpaw] Liar mouth! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I'm a cheerleader, too! [Francine Fishpaw] Liar! Liar! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I'll tell you another
thing, Mother. [Francine Fishpaw] You'll work at the
Flaming Cave Lounge over my dead body. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I'll work where I wanna
work! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Hey, baby. Come here. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Come on. Let's get out of here. I hate this place. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] All right. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Oh, you're all beat up. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] It ain't nothing. *** [MOTEL WHITE GABLES, ENTRANCE, RESTAURANT BAR] [SOCIAL REGISTER 1979] [Cuddles Kovinsky] Any sign of him, Heintz? [Heintz] Not yet, Madame. [OFFICE] [Sandra Sullivan] You devil, you. [Elmer Fishpaw] You wait till I get in that room! [Sandra Sullivan] Ooh, I can't wait, honey. [Elmer Fishpaw] I'll be right back. [Sandra Sullivan] You hurry up now. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Oh, Heintz, she's straight from the gutter! [Heintz] A sporting girl, I would imagine. [Cuddles Kovinsky] A fille de joie! [Heintz] It saddens me that you have to see anything this common, Madame. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Poor Francine! Poor, poor Francine! *** [TV Reporter] In other news, James Wemo
... [Shirley Evans] I don't want to be on
television! [TV Reporter] Mrs. Evans was rushed to
the Mercy Hospital ... [Black Boy] I seen it, man! I seen this
weird-looking dude ... [TV Reporter] Police released this
composite sketch today ... 3 [Bo-Bo Belsinger] You'll be ready for the back seat in a minute. [Francine Fishpaw] Trash! Don't you touch my daughter! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Take your hands off my boyfriend! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] That's my car! [Francine Fishpaw] Come on! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Hit her, Bo-Bo! Hit her! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] It was nice beating you, Mrs. Fishpaw! [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter, are you all
right? [Dexter Fishpaw] Mom ... [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter, what are you
doing? [Dexter Fishpaw] NO! [Francine Fishpaw] But I love you -- *** [Francine Fishpaw] You had better watch
yourself, young lady. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I guess I should tell you I'm two months pregnant right now. [Francine Fishpaw] You're what?! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I'm knocked up, and that's that! [Francine Fishpaw] Who did this to you? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Bo-Bo! The man I love. [Francine Fishpaw] I'll never allow you to marry him. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Marry him?! Are you
kidding? [Francine Fishpaw] I cannot take another
heartbreak. [Telephone Rings] [Francine Fishpaw] Hello? [Cuddles Kovinsky] He's here, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] I'll be right there!
[Cuddles Kovinsky] God, Francine, hasn't he ever heard of the Hilton? [Francine Fishpaw] Wait till I get my hands on him. [Cuddles Kovinsky] They went down that way, but I don't know which room. [Francine Fishpaw] I picked up her scent
already. [Elmer Fishpaw] What the hell?! [Francine Fishpaw] Coitus interruptus? [Elmer Fishpaw] Get out of here, Francine! [Francine Fishpaw] Caught you, didn't I?
Right in the act of adultery! [Elmer Fishpaw] You'll never get a penny
out of me ...
[Sandra Sullivan] See these rings? [Cuddles Kovinsky] Don't worry, Francine. [Elmer Fishpaw] Come on, Sandra. Get
dressed. [Francine Fishpaw] But, Elmer, what about Dexter and little Lu-Lu? [Elmer Fishpaw] Those two little bastards
... [Sandra Sullivan] Children would get in the way of our erotic lifestyle. [Francine Fishpaw] You piece of trash! [Sandra Sullivan] Bye-Bye! [Francine Fishpaw] You'll hear from my attorney! [Elmer Fishpaw] Sweeeeet! [Cuddles Kovinsky] Oh, Francine, don't
worry. *** [Francine Fishpaw going on a drinking binge] [Telephone Rings] [Francine Fishpaw] Hello? [Elmer Fishpaw] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. [Francine Fishpaw] Elmer! [Elmer Fishpaw] Snort, Snort, Snort,
Snort. [Dog Growls] [Francine Fishpaw] Oh! Oh! 4 [Francine Fishpaw] I didn't order anything. [Pizza Man 1] But this is 538 Wyman Way, isn't it? [Francine Fishpaw] I didn't order
anything. [Pizza Man 2] Wait a minute. [Pizza Man 3] Yo, pizza. [Telephone rings] [Francine Fishpaw] No! [Elmer Fishpaw & Sandra Sullivan] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! [Francine Fishpaw] Leave me alone! *** [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Having a little wake-up cocktail? [Francine Fishpaw] Your father has been tormenting me all morning! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] That's no excuse. You big drunk! [Francine Fishpaw] What do you think you're doing? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I need money for a cab. [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu, there' a living
thing inside of you. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] It's stealing part of me,
you mean! [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu! Lu-Lu! *** [Francine Fishpaw] [Drops the bottle] Nooooooo! [La Rue] Look at yourself. [Francine Fishpaw] Please! [La Rue] You better get yourself to an
alcoholics meeting ... [Francine Fishpaw] What's in the bottle, Mother? [La Rue] Your beloved booze, Francine. 5 Want a little scent? [Francine Fishpaw] Please, don't do it to me, Mother. I need a drink! [La Rue] Want some? [Francine Fishpaw] [Sobbing] *** [Elmer Fishpaw] [On Loudspeaker] Francine
Fishpaw lives at 538 Wyman Way. [Doorbell rings] [Cuddles Kovinsky] What's the matter, ma petite? [Francine Fishpaw] Speak English,
Cuddles. [Cuddles Kovinsky] You want a little drink, Franciney? [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, God. Help me up. Please. [Cuddles Kovinsky] You're so cute when you get tipsy. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Cuddles, I am an alcoholic. [Cuddles Kovinsky] You should get out
more, then, honey ... [Francine Fishpaw] You got to get me to the alcoholics meeting. [Cuddles Kovinsky] I'll take you to your
club meeting, Francine ... [Francine Fishpaw] I've got to get to the alcoholics meet -- [Francine collapses unconscious] [Cuddles Kovinsky] Heintz! Heintz! [Heintz] At your service, Madame. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Mrs. Fishpaw and I ... [Heintz] Yes, Madame. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Come on, Francine. We're going shopping. [Heintz] Mrs. Fishpaw, come on, let's go. [Francine Fishpaw] Upstairs? [Heintz] This way. Yes, ma'am. *** [Francine Fishpaw] [Hiccup] [Cuddles Kovinsky] Look at this dress,
Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] It's very pretty, Cuddles. [Cuddles Kovinsky] A Halston! [Francine Fishpaw] Hurry. I don't want to be late for my meeting. [Cuddles Kovinsky] God! [Francine Fishpaw] [Burp, burp, burp] *** [Dexter Fishpaw] Ah, shoes ... *** [Boutique Saleslady] Madam, you will
simply have to leave this store immediately ...
[Cuddles Kovinsky] You're really gauche,
madam. *** [Dexter Fishpaw stomps on a girl's foot at the grocery store] [Girl] Ow! Ow! Ow! [Dexter Fishpaw] [Laughing] [Man] Call the police! Police! *** [Alcoholic Leader] Fellow members, we
have someone new with us tonight. [Alcoholics] Step up there, now! Come on!
Come on up here! [Francine Fishpaw] I really don't know what to say. [Alcoholics] Say it! Say it! Say it! [Francine Fishpaw] Well, my name is Francine Fishpaw -- [Alcoholics] And? And? And? [Francine Fishpaw] And I am an alcoholic! [Alcoholics] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! *** [Lu-Lu Fishpaw Reading FARRAH'S WORLD] [Nurse] Miss Mallon, we're all ready for
you. [Miss Mallon] [Sobbing] I guess I made the right decision. [Abortion Picketers carrying signs saying ABORTION HOLOCAUST; GOD NOT MAN IS THE WATER OF LIFE] [Abortion Picketer 1] Don't have this abortion! [Abortion Picketer 2] How does it feel to be a murderer? [Abortion Picketer 3] Killer! Murderer! [Abortion Picketer 4] Babies wanna live, too, you know! [Abortion Picketer 5] Suppose Einstein's mother had an abortion! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Nooooo! [Abortion Picketer 6] Or John F. Kennedy's, huh? [Abortion Picketer 7] What if Mary and Joseph had had an abortion? [Abortion Picketers] Pro life! Pro life! Pro life! [Abortion Picketer 1 Slaps Lu-Lu Fishpaw] [Abortion Picketer 1] That's from Jesus! *** [Francine Fishpaw] Thank you, Heintz. You're going to hurt yourself! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Stop spying on me! [Lu-Lu Fishpaw punching herself in the
stomach; [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu, stop it. [Nun 1] Home of the Shepherd's Flock. [Francine Fishpaw] Yes, this is Francine
Fishpaw of 538 Wyman Way. [Nun 1] We'll be right there! *** [Nuns] Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord
is with thee. [Francine Fishpaw] She's in the living
room. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] [Screaming] [Nun 2] Get in there. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] You can't do this! HOME OF THE SHEPHERD'S FLOCK [Pregnant Girl] My back! [Nun 1] Girls! [Pregnant girls] A hayride? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] We can't go out on a hayride! It's raining! [Nun 2] Bring proper clothing ... [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] It hurts! It hurts!
[Nun 1] Stop this faking! *** [Detective 1] Open up, Mrs. Fishpaw! We
have a search warrant! [Detective 2] Check everywhere. I know
the evidence is around. [Francine Fishpaw] Ohhhhh!
[Detective 1] Mrs. Fishpaw, I have a
search warrant ... [Francine Fishpaw] For what? [Detective 3] Your son's been arrested for being the Baltimore Foot Stomper. [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter?!!! [Detective 3] Come on, Jack. Let's search the house. [Detectives] Looky here! Look at this. [Detective 1] Can you believe this? He is
the foot stomper! [Detective 2] I knew it. [Detective 1] This stuff will hold up. [Detective 2] Take it downtown. [Press Guy 1] What are you doing here? [Press Guy 2] What is your name, sir? [Press Guy 3] Are you related to Dexter
Fishpaw? [Press Guy 4] What's your name? [Press Guy 3] Are you aware that Dexter's been arrested? [Cuddles Kovinsky] Anybody home? [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, God! Why hast Thou forsaken me?
[Cuddles Kovinsky] Come on. We're going
on a picnic. [Firetruck horn] [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Cuddles, Elmer sent the fire trucks! [Neighbors] Bravo! Bravo! [Cuddles Kovinsky] Gosh, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, noooooo! [Cuddles Kovinsky] Want some hooch, Francine? [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, thank you, Cuddles. [Cuddles Kovinsky] God, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] Maybe I should get out of Baltimore. *** [Cuddles Kovinsky] God, Francine, there
must be a God. [Francine Fishpaw] I smell something. 6 I smell something. [Cuddles Kovinsky] A skunk, Francine! [Francine Fishpaw] What is it? What? [Cuddles Kovinsky] A skunk. [Francine Fishpaw] A skunk! *** [La Rue] Well, isn't that something? [Doorbell Rings] Someone's at the door. I'll call you when I get home. [Bo-Bo Belsinger and Friend] Trick or treat! [La Rue] I'm sorry, but I don't live here
... [Bo-Bo's Friend] What, no candy? [La Rue] I'm sorry, but I forgot it was Halloween. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] You know what no candy means, don't you? [La Rue] Halloween just slipped my mind this year. [Bo-Bo's Belsinger and Friend] That means trick! [La Rue] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Leave that alone! Stop that! Stop that! [Bo-Bo's Friend] Lady, when we say "Trick
or treat," we mean it! [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Next time, you won't be
so selfish ...
[La Rue] Maybe we have an apple or something. [Bo-Bo Belsinger] Too late now, Grandma. No candy means death! [La Rue] [Ow!] [Bo-Bo's Friend] Let's destroy this place! See you later! *** [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Bo-Bo! Bo-Bo! [Cuddles Kovinsky] Good night, Francine. [Francine Fishpaw] Good night, Cuddles. [Cuddles Kovinsky] Sleep tight. Don't let
the bedbugs bite. [Heintz] Have a peaceful night, Mrs. Fishpaw. [Francine Fishpaw] Good night, Heintz. [La Rue] It's all your fault! [Francine Fishpaw] Nooo! Nooo! 7 [Francine Fishpaw] No, God, please. Not
my baby. GOOD-BY CRUEL WORLD ***
[Dexter Fishpaw] Hi, Mom! [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter! Honey! You're
home! [Dexter Fishpaw] I'm sorry for the grief
I caused you ... [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, honey. It is
beeeautiful. [Dexter Fishpaw] We can put this one in
the kitchen. [Francine Fishpaw] Would you like some milk and cookies, Dexter? [Dexter Fishpaw] Oh, I'd love some, Mom. [Francine Fishpaw] Come on, honey. [Dexter Fishpaw] I sure missed your home cooking, Mom. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, honey. [Dexter Fishpaw] Wow, everything looks just the same. [Francine Fishpaw] It's so good to have you back. [Dexter Fishpaw] Mom, are you still drinking? [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter, I'm afraid your ma's an alcoholic. [Dexter Fishpaw] Oh, Mom, you could stop. I got off the angel dust. [Francine Fishpaw] I wanna stop. [Dexter Fishpaw] Just pour it down the drain, Mom. [Francine Fishpaw] I want to. [Dexter Fishpaw] I love you, Mom! Go ahead. You can stop. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Dexter. [Dexter Fishpaw] You don't need it
anymore.
[Francine Fishpaw] Oh, honey, today is
going to be a new beginning. [Dexter Fishpaw] Oh, Mom. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Dexter. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Welcome home, Dexter. [Dexter Fishpaw] Hello, Lu-Lu. Will you give your brother a kiss? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Forgive me for being so
awful, but I've changed. [Dexter Fishpaw] That's awful. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] But I've discovered
macrame! [Dexter Fishpaw] I'm an artist now, too,
Lu-Lu. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, you see, children? *** [Francine Fishpaw] Hello, Mother. Feeling any better today? [La Rue] How can I feel better with a drunken miser as a daughter? [Francine Fishpaw] Shut up, Mother! [La Rue] The pain, the pain! My heart!
She's giving me a heart attack! *** [Francine Fishpaw] Pull over here. [Cabdriver] Here? [Francine Fishpaw] Yes, yes. Right here. [Todd Tomorrow] Hey, come here. Come
here! [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, those poor people. [Todd Tomorrow] Yes, I saw it happen. [Two Truck Driver] Excuse me. [Todd Tomorrow] It was really horrible. [Francine Fishpaw] It is. It's just too horrible. I can't look. [Todd Tomorrow] Hey, you know ... [Francine Fishpaw] But I don't even know your name. [Todd Tomorrow] It's Todd, honey. [Francine Fishpaw] Todd? [Todd Tomorrow] Todd Tomorrow. [Francine Fishpaw] Hi. I'm Francine Fishpaw. [Todd Tomorrow] Francine Fishpaw. 8 and it's powerful. [Francine Fishpaw] Ooh, what is it, Todd? [Todd Tomorrow] It's my new 'vette! [Song] We met ... [Sandra Sullivan] If I break a nail ... [Elmer Fishpaw] Listen, I'm gettin' sick
and tired of all your complaining. [Sandra Sullivan] Well, you'd complain,
too, if you had a boyfriend who was like you. [Elmer Fishpaw] Get the thing closer -- [Sandra Sullivan] I'm working on it! [Elmer Fishpaw] You expect me to do it all? [Sandra Sullivan] Get back to work, Elmer! [Elmer Fishpaw] Get going. Get going. Hurry up! [Sandra Sullivan] Why don't you go back to Francine? [Elmer Fishpaw] We ought to go catch 'em. [Sandra Sullivan] He's got some good taste in cars, anyway. *** [Todd Tomorrow] My, what a nice place. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, it's such a mess. [Todd Tomorrow] I can hardly wait. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, OK. Follow me. [Todd Tomorrow] Stunning. [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Hi, Mom. [Francine Fishpaw] Lu-Lu, I'd like you to
meet a friend of mine --
[Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Nice to meet you. [Todd Tomorrow] Hi, darlin'. [Francine Fishpaw] Let's go meet my little Dexter. [Dexter Fishpaw] Well ... I don't know. [Francine Fishpaw] Hi, honey. This is my
little Dexter. [Todd Tomorrow] Put it there, young feller. [Dexter Fishpaw] How you doing? [Todd Tomorrow] Hey, I seen you before. [Francine Fishpaw] Dexter was just released from prison. [Todd Tomorrow] Oh, well, that's nice. Congratulations! [Dexter Fishpaw] Oh, thank you. [Todd Tomorrow] And that's nice, too. [Dexter Fishpaw] Yeah. Do you like it? [Todd Tomorrow] You bet. [Todd Tomorrow] You keep up that good work, you hear? [Dexter Fishpaw] I will, Todd. [Todd Tomorrow] Francine, why don't you show me your bedroom, honey? [Francine Fishpaw] Mother, may I? [Todd Tomorrow] Yes, you may. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Todd, I've had a
bad year. [Todd Tomorrow] Well, it's exquisite. [Francine Fishpaw] I'm sorry I'm so
nervous. [Todd Tomorrow] Easy does it, baby. [Francine Fishpaw] I ache. I ache all over. [Todd Tomorrow] Let me kiss away your
D.T.s, honey. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Todd. Dare I say
it? [Todd Tomorrow] Then let's make love, you sweet little thing. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Todd, be gentle
with me. *** [Todd Tomorrow] Francine! [Francine Fishpaw] Did you sleep all right, my darling? [Todd Tomorrow] It was bliss. [Francine Fishpaw] Uh huh. [Giggles] [Todd Tomorrow] Will you marry me? [Francine Fishpaw] You don't mean that. [Todd Tomorrow] Yes, I do. I want you to be my wife. [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, Todd. Of course
I'll marry you ... [Todd Tomorrow] Hell, yes, I can. I own the Edmonson Drive-in Cinema. [Francine Fishpaw] You do? *** EDMONDSON DRIVE-IN THEATRE, DUSK TO DAWN, 3 MARGUERITE DURAS HITS, THE TRUCK, INDIA SONG, DESTROY SHE SAID Visit our concession stand. ROYAL IRANIAN CAVIAR BELUGA succulent oysters, and champagne. CHAMPAGNE, PIPER-HEIDSIECK Take a tempting taste treat ...
[Todd Tomorrow] Well, what do you think, sweetheart? [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, it's very highbrow, Todd. [Todd Tomorrow] Yep. We only show
first-run art films here. [Francine Fishpaw] OK, but hurry. I don't want to be late for Cuddles' party. [Flashlight] Hey, what's happenin', Todd? [La Rue] Hi, darling. [Todd Tomorrow] Right there. [Flashlight] How you doin', my man? [Todd Tomorrow] Not bad. [Flashlight] Here you go. [La Rue] Nose candy. [Todd Tomorrow] Yeah, sweets for the sweet. [La Rue] Dynamite! [Francine Fishpaw reading magazine CAHIERS DU CINEMA 314]
[La Rue] Free basing! [Flashlight] Let's do it, Todd, baby. [La Rue] Go get her, honey! [Todd Tomorrow] Right after I blast off.
Whoooo! *** La Fontaine Bleau [MC] Thank you, thank you.
[Heintz] I have something for you, my dear. [Cuddles Kovinsky] What is it, Heintz? [Heintz] Cuddles, will you marry me? Please? [Cuddles Kovinsky] Oh, Heintz! [Heintz] Thank you, Cuddles.
*** [Francine Fishpaw] I could've danced all
night. *** [Francine Fishpaw] Todd! [Todd Tomorrow] Let's keep love in the family, honey.
[Francine] No! Not my mother! [La Rue] Let go of me! [Francine Fishpaw] You monster! You monster! [Todd Tomorrow] You've been a good old
wagon, Francine ... [La Rue] Here's a present for you,
daughter dear. 9 [Francine Fishpaw] No. No. [Dexter Fishpaw] What's going on? [Elmer Fishpaw] [Screams] [Sandra Sullivan accidentally shoots him in the back when Dexter stomps on her foot] [Sandra Sullivan] Elmer! Elmer! [Dexter Fishpaw] Killer! Killer! Killer! [Todd Tomorrow] What the hell is goin' on here? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] I never wanted to use macrame to kill. [La Rue] Why, it's Elmer! Her lousy cheap
husband. [Dexter Fishpaw] No! [Todd Tomorrow] Nonsense, La Rue. What
the hell you talkin' about? [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] What are you doing to Mother? [Todd Tomorrow] Shut up, you little slut. [La Rue] She's gone insane and we're
putting her ... [Lu-Lu Fishpaw] Nooo! [Todd Tomorrow] I'm gonna take care of
them little creeps. [Flashlight] OK, Todd baby! [Todd Tomorrow] Take that little whore
... [Flashlight] All right, chickens, move it! Come on! Move! Move it! [Todd Tomorrow] You! [Francine Fishpaw] [Screams] [Todd Tomorrow] Does this mean the wedding's over, honey? [Francine Fishpaw] [Making Ape Sounds] [Todd Tomorrow] I do think she's havin' a little nervous breakdown. [Francine Fishpaw] [Making Ape Sounds] [Todd Tomorrow] I better call the mental hospital. [La Rue] Shut up. [Todd Tomorrow] Right. [La Rue] Stop faking it! [Todd Tomorrow] Happy Hills? This is 538
Wyman Way. [Francine Fishpaw] [Making hurt animal sounds] [La Rue] Thank God I'm rid of her. She'll
be locked up for life. [Francine Fishpaw] [Making insane-person sounds] [Todd Tomorrow] And I can get $5,000 for
each one of them little creeps ... [Francine Fishpaw] [Making Ape Sounds] [La Rue] Let's move to Miami. [Francine Fishpaw] [Making Chicken Sounds]
[Todd Tomorrow] I'm gonna get me one of
them solid gold leisure suits ... [La Rue] Rich and happy, Todd! [Todd Tomorrow] Hot damn! [Francine Fishpaw] [Bucks them off her] Help me! Help me! [Todd Tomorrow] Come on, come on! [Francine Fishpaw] Help! Oh, God, please! [Todd Tomorrow] Francine, shut up! *** [Cuddles Kovinsky] I feel so wonderful. [Heintz] Ach, du lieber! [Cuddles Kovinsky] Oh, no, no, no Heinz. [La Rue] Toooodddd! [Francine Fishpaw] Nooooo! [La Rue] [Screaming] [Is Killed as Heintz backs up] [Francine Fishpaw] Noooooooooooo! [Flashlight] Holy Jesus! [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, my baby! [Dexter Fishpaw] They were gonna kill us! [Francine Fishpaw] Oh, no, no, no, no. [Cuddles Kovinsky] It'll all be all right, Francine. [Heintz] Everything's going to be all right. [Francine Fishpaw] Thank you, Cuddles. [Dexter Fishpaw] I was nervous. [Francine Fishpaw] Thank you! [Heintz] Everything will be all right. [Dexter Fishpaw] Nothing's right, nothing's right. [Heintz] It's going to be all right. [Dexter Fishpaw] No, it's not.
10 [Francine Fishpaw] Shhh! THE END The producers gratefully acknowledge the cooperation and assistance provided by the County Executive's Office of Anne Arundel County, Maryland, and the Mayor's Office of the City of Baltimore, Maryland. This motion picture is entirely fictitious. The characters portrayed are not based upon any person either living or dead. A NEW LINE PRODUCTION
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