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THE WAR ON FAT |
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by Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,
by Hunter S. Thompson from "Kingdom of Fear" Hot damn! It is summer again in America, and the goofy Child President has declared his long- overdue War on Fat. The nation is plunged, once again, into another life-or-death WAR against the forces of Evil. Wonderful. Let's get it over with. We are Patriotic people, but there is some shit we won't eat. ... It is one thing to be trampled like scum by our own Military Police, and quite a goddamn other to be wallowed and stomped on by Fat People. I have seen a lot of horrible wars in my time, folks, but I tell you this desperate War on Fat is going to be like a terminal Sewer fire in Miami. It is unthinkable. These greasy, blubbery bastards will be huge favorites to conquer and dominate us. The summer book odds are hovering around 9-1 & climbing. The spectre of doom by Fat is right in front of our eyes. My weird neighbor, Omar, has about 4 percent fat on his body -- extremely lean meat, in a word, and more & more likely to activate the body-screecher at any self-respecting International Airport -- Hey man, you're not Fat enough to be boarded on this airplane. I'll kill you with an axe if you come any further. ... Mark Twain would love this story: "Let me get this straight, Boss -- are you telling me to Okay fat people and arrest the skinny ones? Jesus. Please, Boss, don't make me do this. Fat people are horrible to touch. I can't stand it." And meanwhile the President is poking us day and night to "shrug off yr. sorrows and come out to run with me." Run, run, run like a bastard and never look back. ... Wow. That is very strange thinking, eh? Forget thinking, just JOG and get over it. I'll bet Tonya Harding said that. She is a sassy little creature, for sure. ... There is talk that the monumentally lewd O'Farrell Theatre in San Francisco will make her the headliner in their new outdoor Erotic Boxing spectacles this summer. Jim Mitchell knows Talent when he sees it. I will be at ringside when Tonya opens against Charlotte Rampling in July. Call Jeff Armstrong for media certification. Mahalo.
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