|
Written and Directed by John Waters,
with Franklin Von Tussle:
Sonny Bono,
Motormouth Maybelle: Ruth Brown,
Arvin Hodgepile and Edna Turnblad: Divine,
Amber Von Tussle: Colleen Fitzpatrick,
Velma Von Tussle: Debbie Harry,
Prudence Pingleton: Jo Ann Havrilla,
Tracy Turnblad: Ricki Lake,
Beatnik Cat: Ric Ocasek,
Penny Pingleton: Leslie Ann Powers,
Seaweed: Clayton Prince,
Link Larkin: Michael St. Gerard,
Wilbur Turnblad: Jerry Stiller,
Tammy: Mink Stole,
Corny Collins: Shawn Thompson,
Mr. Pinky: Alan Wendl,
Beatnik Chick: Pia Zadora
Hairspray Screencap Gallery
Click here to play Hairspray,
Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Polyester -- Illustrated Screenplay &
Screencap Gallery, written, directed and produced by John Waters, starring
Divine and Tab Hunter
Cry-Baby --
Illustrated Screenplay & Screencap Gallery
HAIRSPRAY, Written and
Directed by John Waters
CAST:
Franklin Von Tussle:
Sonny Bono
Motormouth Maybelle: Ruth Brown
Arvin Hodgepile and Edna Turnblad: Divine
Amber Von Tussle: Colleen Fitzpatrick
Velma Von Tussle: Debbie Harry
Prudence Pingleton: Jo Ann Havrilla
Tracy Turnblad: Ricki Lake
Beatnik Cat: Ric Ocasek
Penny Pingleton: Leslie Ann Powers
Seaweed: Clayton Prince
Link Larkin: Michael St. Gerard
Wilbur Turnblad: Jerry Stiller
Tammy: Mink Stole
Corny Collins: Shawn Thompson
Mr. Pinky: Alan Wendl
Beatnik Chick: Pia Zadora
Hey girl, what you doing
over there?
Can't you see, I'm spraying my hair?
Let me tell you about the latest rage
Mama's hoping that it's just a phase
but I know it's going to last forever
you've gotta see the way it keeps my hair together
I gave my dollar to the grocer man
I bought that magic potion in a 12 oz. can
I know when I make the scene
They've got to stop and wonder who's that beauty queen
Hairspray
Oh mama told me not to use it
Hairspray
But if I don't I'm gonna lose it
Hairspray
Gimme gimme control
Hairspray, it's got stand up soul
When the band is playing loud and fast
I step around the corner, give it one more flash
Oh, I got a inspiration
Doing the hairspray, the love of the nation
Hairspray
Mama told me not to use it
Hairspray
But if I don't I'm gonna lose it
Hairspray
I'm gonna rat my hair
They'll be doing the hairspray everywhere
Hairspray
Hairspray
Hairspray
You do it, you shake it, you shake that tail, teasing up your hair with
the other hand
Then you aim it, you squeeze it, press your finger down.
Doing the hairspray all over town
Hey girl I have a dream when I close my eyes
I wish my hair was ten feet high
Hairspray
Hairspray
Hairspray
Hairspray
Oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh
Hairspray
Well mama told me not to use it now
Hairspray
But if I don't I'm gonna lose it
Hairspray
Just gimme gimme control
Oh oh oh oh oh
Hairspray
Well mama told me not to use it now
Hairspray
But if I don't I'm going to lose it
Hairspray
Just gimme gimme control
Oh oh oh oh oh
**
TRACY: Come on! Come on!
PENNY: Okay, all right.
TRACY: Will you hurry up?
TRACY: I'm home.
PENNY: Afternoon, Miss Edna.
EDNA: Penny, your mother called. Tracy Turnblad, can't you say hello to
Mrs. Malinski? Every day she's got to watch that Corny Collins Show.
MRS. MALINSKI: Delinquents, if you ask me. It ain't right to be dancin' on
TV to that colored music.
EDNA: She's just a teenager. Goodbye, Mrs. Malinski.
MRS. MALINSKI: Good-bye, Edna.
Come on, baby, gonna teach it to you.
Mashed potato
Feel that groovy beat now
Mashed potato
Come on and move your feet now, baby
It's the latest
Come on, honey
It's the greatest
Come on, baby
Mashed potato
EDNA: Could you turn that racket down? I'm tryin' to iron in here.
They found this dance was so out of sight
To When the Lion Sleeps Tonight
Mashed potato
Mmm, yeah, mashed potato
SMILE
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Corny Collins!
CORNY: Good afternoon, Baltimore, and welcome to The Corny Collins Show.
That was Dee Dee Sharp and today's bull's-eye hit, Mashed Potato Time and,
hey, we've got our first telegram of the day. Thank you very much, Tammy.
"Please have Lou Ann Levorowski and I.Q. Jones lead a dance." Signed,
"Your number one fan in West Baltimore." Here they come now. Come on up
here, kids.
LOU ANN: Hi, Corny.
I.Q. Hi, West Baltimore.
CORNY: Lou Ann, you're a pretty darn groovy chick. How long have you been
a regular on the show?
LOU ANN: I've been on the council for five months.
CORNY: And you, I.Q.?
I.Q. Two out-of-sight years.
CORNY: Not bad.
TRACY: God, he's gorgeous, Penny.
PENNY: Look at her hair. Gosh, I wish mine was that high.
CORNY: And what's your favorite record from the survey?
LOU ANN & I.Q.;: Gravy!
CORNY: All right. Here's I.Q. Jones and Lou Ann Levorowski leading our
next dance, Give Me Gravy on My Mashed Potatoes.
Come on, baby, I need gravy
Give me, give me, give me, give me gravy tonight
I know you dance the mashed potato fine
But that don't show me that you're really mine
Once we're dancin', we'll start romancin'
So put somethin' extra on the line
Give me gravy
On my mashed potatoes
Give me gravy
Come on and treat me right
Give me gravy
Baby, you're the greatest
So give me, give me, give me, give me gravy tonight
APPLAUSE
CORNY: Link, why don't you tell the home viewers where we're gonna be
tonight?
LINK: Well, Corny, we'll be at the Parkville VFW
AMBER: For the Corny Collins record hop.
TRACY: Stuck-up little spastic.
PENNY: She's such a queer.
CORNY: That's right, you're all invited. Come on out. Meet your favorite
council members. The Parkville VFW at 8 o'clock. What do you want to hear,
Amber?
AMBER: Shake a Tail Feather, by the Five Du-tones.
CORNY: Here they are, the Five Du-tones.
I heard about this fellow you been dancin' with
All over the neighborhood
Well, why didn't you ask me, baby
Or didn't you think I could?
I know that the bossa nova's worth a shot
I've seen him do the bird all night
But if that was you and me out there, baby
I would have shown you how to do it right
Do it right
Bend over, let me see you shake a tail feather
Bend over, let me see you shake a tail feather
Bend over, let me see you shake a tail feather
Twist it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby
PENNY: You should be on that council, not her.
TRACY: I know I should, Penny. Hey, I'm going to that hop tonight.
PENNY: Oh, let me come. We'll lie and say we're going to the library to
study.
TRACY: It's a deal. We'll meet at 8 o'clock up on the avenue.
EDNA: Okay, young ladies. I've had just about enough of this screeching
music.
TRACY: Mother, we're watching the Corny Collins Show!
EDNA: Penny, your mother called all frantic. She said you were punished.
PENNY: I'm always punished.
EDNA: And, Tracy, I have told you about that hair, all ratted up like a
teenage Jezebel.
TRACY: Oh, mother, you're so fifties.
PENNY: Tracy's flamboyant flip is all the rage, Miss Edna. Jackie Kennedy,
our first lady, even rats her hair.
EDNA: But Tracy ain't no first lady, are you, Tracy? No, sirree, she's a
hairhopper. That's what she is. Now I've got nothing but hampers of
ironing to do and my diet pill is wearing off. Tracy, I want you to go to
your room and study and, Penny, don't you be listening to every bit of
nonsense that my daughter tells you. If I didn't know better, I'd swear
she was mental. Now what? More soiled laundry for mommy, I suppose. Come
in.
PRUDENCE: Edna, have you seen Penny?
EDNA: Good lord, Prudy, she's right over there.
PENNY: Hi. mom.
PRUDENCE: Penny Pingleton, you know you were punished. From now on, you're
wearing a giant "P" on your blouse every day to school, so that the whole
world knows that Penny Pingleton is permanently, positively punished!
TRACY: 8:00 o'clock.
PENNY: Bye, Miss Edna.
EDNA: Bye, honey.
I wish I were a princess
I wish I were a princess
And if I were a princess
I'd make you my prince.
I wish I were a princess
So beautiful to see
I'd pass the greatest law in history
My lovely little law I hope you never break
And it would make you fall in love with me.
And if I were a princess
The next thing I would do
Is plan a celebration in my land
Oh what a happy day
When people hear you say
My princess, I'm asking for your hand.
AMBER: Oh, stop! Stop!
LINK: What is it?
AMBER: Oh! Oh, my God!
LINK: What's the matter?
I wish I were a princess
AMBER: No, get off of me! Don't look at me!
LINK: What's the matter?
AMBER: I happen to have a blemish!
***
VELMA: You had three good close-ups today, period. Why can't you dance up
front where the voters can see you?
AMBER: Leave me alone, mother. I have a pimple.
VELMA: Ugh. And you had to choose a colored record as your favorite song,
didn't you? That's nice for the neighbors. You've got something against
Connie Francis? Shelley Fabares? I love Shelley Fabares. Amber! Amber, are
you listening to me? We have to have a little talk. You know, if your
father is forced to integrate Titled Acres, we're out of business, so at
least act white on television.
AMBER: Leave me alone, mother. Shake a tail feather is a wild song. It's
got a good beat, and you can dance to it. Oh, God, of all nights! A Corny
Collins record hop, and I've got craters. Oh, just pop it! Pop it!
VELMA: Just relax. Relax. Don't be ridiculous. Take it easy. Tension is
the worst thing for a complexion. Come on. Lie down. Lie down. No moping.
Mother is here. You have beautiful skin, Amber. Mmmmm, there ... it's
gone. Now it's time for you know what.
AMBER: Mother, I know all the dances.
VELMA: Come on. Get up. Get up! Practice makes perfect. I ought to know.
Don't forget, I was Miss Soft Crab in 1945, and that title wasn't handed
to me on a silver platter. I worked for it. Now come on. A-one, two,
a-one, two, three, Pony! Mashed Potatoes! Faster!
FRANKLIN: Amber, I'd like to talk to you.
AMBER: Yes, daddy?
VELMA: Don't stop. Cha-cha.
AMBER: I'm tired.
VELMA: One, two, cha cha cha. One, two, cha cha cha.
FRANKLIN: I had some new campaign fliers made up today, all for daddy's
little girl. Now, I want you to hand those out at the hop tonight to
everyone, each and every one of those.
VELMA: Twist!
AMBER: Oh, daddy.
VELMA: No lip from you, Miss Ingrate. This campaign is costing us an arm
and a leg.
FRANKLIN: New gowns, hairdresser three times a week! Why, your hairspray
bill alone is enough to eat up all the profits from the Tilt-a-Whirl.
VELMA: You'll do as daddy says or we'll send you to Catholic School where
you belong, right Franklin?
FRANKLIN: That's right. Catholic School.
****
TRACY: Pass the macaroni and cheese, please.
EDNA: Did you take that appetite suppressant I gave you on Dr. McKenzie's
orders?
TRACY: Mother, I'm a growing teenager. I need food.
WILBUR: Let her eat Edna. Tracy, did you do your chores around the house
today?
EDNA: Ha ha ha. Not Miss Tracy, Cyd Charisse herself. She's too busy
ratting her hair and doing the Ubangi stomp.
WILBUR: Tracy, we all have responsibilities in life. You may think owning
the Hardy Har joke shop is all drudgery -- unwrapping dribble glasses,
checking doggie doo inventory, but I wuv it. Ha ha ha ha ha. You'll see.
Work can be fun.
TRACY: Can I please be excused to go to the library to study?!
***
Are you ready?
Yes!
Let's have a ball at the hall tonight
We'll groove and jerk till the early light
Make the scene with the record machine
And we'll dance and party tonight
Come on ...
BLACK MAN: What's the problem, officer?
OFFICER: This is a white establishment.
BLACK GIRL: Oh, come on.
BLACK MAN: Hey, listen, we just came to dance.
TRACY: That's not fair.
OFFICER: Open your purse, please.
And everything's all right
OFFICER: Go.
And every night is Saturday night, yeah!
Let's go round, bristol stompin', too
Hold me now like it's all brand-new
Any dance that you want to do
CORNY: Boys and girls, stay on the dance floor. Here comes the hottest
tune of the day, and it started right here in Baltimore. And where did you
see it first, kids?
CROWD: The Corny Collins Show!
CORNY: A big strong line, ladies and gentlemen. It's Madison time!
TRACY: I can do that dance.
It's Madison time. Hit it.
You're looking good. A big, strong line.
When I say hit it, I want you to go two up and two back with a big, strong
turn and then, back to the madison. Hit it.
PENNY: No. You dance better than all of them. Go ahead! Go!
You're looking good. Now when I say it, I want you to go two up and two
back, double cross and come out of it with The Rifleman. Hit it.
Crazy.
Now when I say hit it, I want the big, strong "M," erase it, and back to
the madison. Hit it.
Walk on. You're lookin' good.
Now, then, when I say hit it, it'll be T-time. Hit it. Big strong line.
Now when I say hit it, I want the big, strong basketball with a Wilt
Chamberlain hook. Hit it. Two points.
Now this time when I say hit it, I want the big, strong Jackie Gleason and
back to the madison. Hit it. And away we go. Crazy.
When I say hit it, go two up and two back, double cross, and freeze. Hit
it.
And hold it right there.
CORNY: All right. Hold on to your hats, all you continental rockers 'cause
it's dance contest time, and we've got the wildest judge in town. You
listen to her every night at WEDD and she hosts Negro Day on the Corny
Collins Show the last Thursday of every month. A warm welcome for the
queen of Baltimore soul, Miss Motormouth Maybelle herself, ladies and
gentlemen! Let's hear it, Baltimore -- Motormouth Maybelle! All right,
hear she comes, looking very fine.
MOTORMOUTH: Ooh whee! Tiddley papa! I am a whopper! Motormouth Maybelle is
my name and, sweetheart, dancin' is my game. Motormouth, Motormouth,
Motormouth!
CORNY: All right! Chubby Checker and Pony Time!
Hey, now, let's party
In the Union Hall
It's pony time
When you hear this call
So get with it
Don't quit it
Get up
AMBER: Okay, fatso, let's see what you're made of.
Or it'll make boss lines
But any way you're doin' it
You're gonna look real fine
So get with it
Don't quit it
Get up
Now you turn to the left when I say gee
You turn to the right when I saw haw
Now gee, jam, jam, little baby
Now haw
Jam, oh, baby
Oh baby, oh baby
Pony, baby
Do it, baby
Oh baby, oh baby
Gonna see little Suzy
Who lives next door
She's doin' the pony
She's takin' the floor
Yeah, so get with it
Don't quit it
CORNY: All right! All right, Motormouth, just three couples left. Tammy,
bring on the applause meter. Is it going to be couple no. 1? Or is it
couple no. 2? Or shall it be couple no. 3? All right. I think we have a
winner, and that winner is ...
MOTORMOUTH: I love 'em tender, Tracy and Fender.
CORNY: All right! Tracy Turnblad and Fender. Tracy Turnblad, you are the
queen of the hop tonight. Listen, we're holding auditions for the council
tomorrow. You ought to come down and strut your stuff.
TRACY: Oh, Corny, do you really think I'm good enough?
CORNY: What do you think, kids?
CROWD: Yeah!!!
CORNY: I hear ya. Thanks for comin' down, Tracy. We'll see you tomorrow.
Now, Motormouth, I think it's time we slowed things down a little with Mr.
Gene Pitney.
MOTORMOUTH: You can't hide your face in this godforsaken place. Here in
your own city, there's a town without pity.
CORNY: Gene Pitney, ladies and gentlemen.
When you're young and so in love as we
And bewildered the world we see
Why do people hurt us so?
Only those in love would know
What a town without pity can do.
AMBER: Whore.
How can we keep love alive?
How can anything survive
When these little minds tear you in two?
What a town without pity can do
No, it isn't very pretty
What a town without pity can do
***
Hey diddly doo, yeah yeah yeah, come on and make a line
Continental, continental
Hey diddly doo, ah yeah, you're looking fine
Continental, continental
Ah come on, ah let's go, it's continental time
Continental, continental,
Hey diddly doo
Ah yeah yeah yeah
This all brand new
Continental continental
Hey diddly doo
Ah huh,
it's such a __ you do
Continental, continental
TAMMY: Thank you, girls. And now it's time to move on to a little
something we call the spotlight. Okay. First girl -- Miss Pingleton?
PENNY: I'm just a little nervous.
TAMMY: This is show business, young lady. If you think you're nervous now,
ha! Wait till you're on the air. Okay, first question.
AMBER: Are you now, or have you ever gone steady?
PENNY: Well, I'm not going with anybody now but I'd love to date a council
member.
COUNCIL: Pfhew! Yeah, right! Come on!
COUNCIL MEMBER: Exactly how many sweaters do you have?
PENNY: Gee, I never counted. I guess about five.
COUNCIL: Five? Ha ha ha ha
TAMMY: Next. Nadine Carver, Eastern High School.
COUNCIL MEMBER: Are you aware that Negro Day is the last Thursday of every
month?
NADINE: Yes. I've been on it a few times. I feel the show should be
integrated every day.
COUNCIL: Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, right.
COUNCIL MEMBER: Can you relate to Leslie Gore's music?
NADINE: Look, she ain't no James Brown, but I can dance to Lawrence Welk
if I have to.
COUNCIL: Lawrence Welk?
TAMMY: Thank you, Nadine. Tracy Turnblad.
COUNCIL MEMBER: Would you do a pimple cream commercial on camera if Corny
asked you to?
TRACY: I'd be proud to. Luckily, I've never been cursed with acne like
others, but I realize the devastating effect of skin blemishes on the
social life of teenagers.
COUNCIL MEMBER: Would you ever swim in an integrated swimming pool?
COUNCIL: Oh, my God.
TRACY: I certainly would, Iggy. I'm a modern kind of girl. I'm all for
integration.
AMBER: Aren't you a little fat for the show?
TAMMY: That's enough, Amber.
TRACY: I would imagine that many of the home viewers are also pleasantly
plump or chunky.
AMBER: Oh, come on. The show's not filmed in cinemascope.
CORNY: You're out of line, Amber.
AMBER: Corny, Tammy, can't you see? This girl's a trash can.
CORNY: That's five demerit points. You're suspended from the show today.
Pack up your things and go home.
COUNCIL: Oh, my God.
AMBER: But I was supposed to lead the ladies' choice.
CORNY: I'm sure we can find a replacement.
AMBER: Yes, Corny.
TAMMY: Please wait outside. The council will now meet in secret, debate
your personality flaws, and come to a final decision.
***
PENNY: Miss Edna! Miss Edna!
EDNA: Penny Pingleton, you'll wake the dead. Tracy's not home yet. Plus,
your mother called and she's on the warpath.
PENNY: I know, Miss Edna. Can I come in? There's something you've both
gotta see.
EDNA: Well, yeah, come on up, but I've got ironing, and Wilbur's working.
PENNY: Mr. Turnblad!
EDNA: It's not war with Cuba, is it? Or more negro problems?
PENNY: No, you'll see.
EDNA: Did poor Debbie Reynolds have a nervous breakdown? This better be
good. Broad daylight, and I'm sittin' in front of a TV. I've seen the
Corny Collins Show, thank you, Penny.
PENNY: Just watch.
WILBUR: I just lost a $2.69 Silly Putty sale. This better be worth it.
PENNY: Wait, you'll see. Just watch.
CORNY: What's your name?
BLACK GIRL: I'm Ruby.
CORNY: And you?
BLACK GIRL: Dee Dee!
CORNY: And what about you?
BLACK GIRL: I'm Lucille.
CORNY: Now, where are you going to be appearing tonight?
RUBY: We'll be at the Royal Theater.
LUCILLE: At Motormouth Maybelle's...
DEE DEE: All Soul Review.
CORNY: All right, ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for Baltimore's own
Trinklettes.
WILBUR: I closed up shop for this?
PENNY: Just wait.
CORNY: All right, let's keep the music playing and the hits a-turning with
Mr. Gene Chandler, because the Duke of Earl loves to cha-cha-cha.
Duke, duke, duke of earl
PENNY: There! There! Look! It's Tracy!
EDNA: Oh, my God. She's all peroxided up.
WILBUR: I'll be damned. Tracy's on TV.
EDNA: With a triple process, yet.
PENNY: Tracy was accepted on the Corny Collins Council. Mr. and Mrs. Turnblad, your daughter's a star.
Duke of earl
And you, you are my girl
And no one can hurt you
Oh, no
PENNY: Oh, see? She's already getting close-ups.
EDNA: Does she get paid for this? Big as a house!
WILBUR: I think she looks pretty, Edna.
'Cause I'm the duke of earl
(Phone rings)
EDNA: Hello. Yes, I'm watching her now. You are? Well, thank you. Yes.
Goodbye. That was Hilda from up Conklin Street. She's going to send a
telegram.
AMBER: Oh, God! There she is!
Yes, I ....
AMBER: Ohhhhh!
Oh, I'm gonna love you
Oh, oh
Nothing can stop me now
'Cause I'm the duke of earl
CORNY: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to introduce someone very special,
a brand new Council member making her first appearance on the show, and we
already have telegrams. Why don't you introduce yourself?
TRACY: Hi, Corny! I'm Tracy Turnblad, and I go to Mervel High!
CORNY: Well, Tracy, someone out there likes you. "Please have the new girl
lead a ladies' choice."
AMBER: I was supposed to lead the ladies' choice!
CORNY: Tell me, Tracy, are you going steady?
TRACY: No, I'm not, Corny, but there is somebody I've got a crush on.
EDNA: Who, I'd like to know? She's just a child.
CORNY: Well, let's see who the lucky guy is. Ladies and gentlemen, a
ladies' choice.
PENNY: Hi, Tracy! It's me, Penny!
EDNA: She can't hear you.
AMBER: Oh, she better hadn't dare!
If you should lose me
Oh, yeah
You'll lose a good thing
If you should lose me
Oh yeah
You'll lose a good thing
You know I love you
Do anything for you
Just don't mistreat me
AMBER: Oh, God! He's violated the oath of the friendship ring! Boohoo.
FRANKLIN: Aw, don't cry, honey.
You'll lose a good thing
I'm givin' you one more chance
For you to do right
If you'll only straighten up
We'll have a good life
VELMA: That fat girl's no competition!
FRANKLIN: White trash, plain and simple!
VELMA: For all we know, that girl could be high yellow.
AMBER: Oh, mommy, daddy, I'll still be the queen of the auto show, won't
I?
FRANKLIN: Aw, honey.
(Kiss, kiss, kiss Amber's face)
EDNA: No, she's not here. Well, I'm sure she loves you, too. Yes, thank
you. Goodbye. This is amazing!
PENNY: She's so popular already!
EDNA: She could be one of the June Taylor dancers.
(Telephone rings AGAIN!)
Hello. Well, yes, I am Tracy Turnblad's agent. Give me a pencil! Quick!
Quick! How may I help you? Uh huh.
(Tracy comes in the house and Wilbur starts clapping)
PENNY: Oh, Tracy, you were wonderful!
WILBUR: Honey, we're real proud of you.
EDNA: Oh, sweetie, listen. Tomorrow if you could get up just a little bit
closer so we can see you better, okay?
WILBUR: And maybe even give the Hardy Har a little p-p-plug
TRACY: Oh, mom, dad. Oh Penny, my best friend. I'm so happy! Finally, all
of Baltimore knows, I'm big, blonde, and beautiful.
PENNY: Oh, you're a teen leader now!
EDNA: And the show biz offers are pouring in. Tonight, we have an
audition, and, honey, this is only the beginning. Stick with me and we'll
claw our way to the top!
TRACY: Oh, God! Fame, fortune, glamour, and to top it off, I'm in love!
KID ON STREET: Wow, Tracy, you're really tough!
Mama didn't lie
She didn't lie
Mama didn't lie
She didn't lie
Here comes that boy in the street
Making eyes ...
EDNA: Ooh, Tracy, what do you think about this one?
TRACY: I like it.
EDNA: Oh, Wilbur would kill us if we spent that much money.
PINKY: You look gorgeous, Bertha, simply exquisite!
BERTHA: Oh, I don't know, Pinky.
PINKY: Have an eclair. Eat up girls, eat up. Big is beautiful. Tracy
Turnblad! Welcome to the Hefty Hideaway House of Fashion for the ample
woman. Hi, I'm Mr. Pinky.
TRACY: Hi.
EDNA: Mr. Pinky, I'm Tracy's business manager, Edna Turnblad.
PINKY: Well, it's a pleasure to meet the both of you. Here, we cater to
the big-boned gals like yourself who are stylish and at the same time
frustrated by the lack of sizes in the department stores today. I saw you
on TV. I want you to be my model!
EDNA: Would she be paid for this?
PINKY: One free outfit a month. You start tomorrow. I hope there's no
diets in the works because I want to design your Miss Auto Show coronation
gown myself!
EDNA: Could you throw in a couple of complimentary pettipants in the deal?
PINKY: You drive a hard bargain, Miss Edna, and rightfully so. Pettipants,
pettigirdle, you just let Tracy take her pick.
EDNA: How about a fabulous frock just for me?
PINKY: Tracy'll have to work one extra day for free.
EDNA: It's a deal! Thank you, Mr. Pinky!
PINKY: Ha ha ha. I'm going to make you a star!
***
EDNA: I hope your father likes this.
TRACY: He's going to love it. You look beautiful. It's the new you. Mom,
come on! Come on!
EDNA: Go in the beauty shop?
TRACY: Yes! You haven't done that in years.
EDNA: Noooooo.
TRACY: Come on, mom. You deserve it.
EDNA: No. Wilbur will kill me.
TRACY: Come on!
EDNA: Oh, okay. You really think I should?
TRACY: Yes.
TRACY: Come on, mom. Mama, welcome to the sixties.
***
STUDENT: Listen, I'll talk to you after biology.
STUDENT: See you after P.E., guys.
TEACHER: In the figure shown, line segment AB and line segment CD are
chords of the circle. Line segment PA and line segment PC -- what is the
problem, Mr. Davis?
STUDENT: I can't see through her hair.
TRACY: I can't help it if he's short.
TEACHER: Your ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry
education.
TRACY: It's feathered, not ratted.
TEACHER: Whatever you call it, it's a hair don't. You've been warned
repeatedly. I want you to take a little walk down to the Principal's
office. Let's see what he has to say.
AMBER: Anyway, she was right in the car in plain sight of just everybody
at the hop. She was nude.
GIRL: No.
GIRL: That fat thing?
AMBER: Tracy Turnblad is a whore.
MOTHER: Happy now?
GIRL: But, mom, I didn't do --
MOTHER: Don't "But, mom" me.
GIRL: I didn't! He's lying! Ow! What was that for?
MOTHER: I'll give you something to whine about. Might as well just forget
that TV.
***
PRINCIPAL: Miss Turnblad? Have a seat.
TRACY: Yes, sir.
PRINCIPAL: Once again, your hairdo is getting you in hot water. Didn't two
weeks in hairdo detention have any effect?
TRACY: I happen to be the height of teen fashion.
PRINCIPAL: You're on a one-way ticket to reform school. Well, I'm afraid
we're just going to have to change your homeroom. Starting today, you
report to class 10-D, room 108.
TRACY: Special ed?
PRINCIPAL: Yes, Miss Turnblad, special education.
TRACY: But that's for retards ... and the black kids you try to hold back.
PRINCIPAL: Here, you will be taught by specialists trained to deal with
hairdo scofflaws in high school society.
TRACY: Mr. Davidson!
PRINCIPAL: That will be all, Miss Turnblad.
***
TEACHER: The city of Baltimore has an interesting Catholic history. It was
named after Lord Baltimore. He founded the Maryland colony for Catholics
and others ...
(Amber passes a note to her friend that says: "SHE'S ADOPTED!"
TEACHER: ... who could not practice their religion in England.
***
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